Tough times

Well, things haven't got any better as of yet. Yesterday was plain horrifying. He's to the point where he's nearly suicidal. I'm a mess. I can't eat. All I want to do is sleep (I can drift off but not for long), but I am taking care of my boys. I know I have to eat, but I am so nervous that I am too nauseated to do so.

I called his father yesterday morning. I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to tell him what was going on, and I hoped that he might be able to help in some small way. Eventually what we decided was that he would book plane tickets and head up here (he lives 500 miles way). He should be here by noon today.

There probably isn't much he can do, but I think a show of love and solidarity will at least help some.

On a small positive note, I spoke with the husband when I got up (after lying in bed for hours not sleeping), and he seems somewhat better today. He's no longer talking like he wants to die. Hell, I have moments where I want to take a fistful of pills and just end it all too. I think the alcohol magnifies it.

I'm exhausted, but I am putting on my big girl panties and heading out to work here shortly. I was off yesterday so I can hardly call off today (they would insist on a doctor's excuse). I suppose I could always go home sick later. It's not faking it either. I'm nauseated and exhausted. Anyway, we'll see how the day goes.

Yes, I promise that I will choke down some food here soon. I think I could manage a yogurt. It's not much, but I am not trying to starve myself. I just have no appetite at all. Kinda funny in a sad way. The fat chick that can't eat. I know that is no way to lose weight though.

I'm hanging in here.