Saturday, April 2, 2011

Can I use anger as motivation?

Normally I tend to eat my emotions...quite literally. I've been eying  up the cake that is sitting on the kitchen counter, but I haven't touched it ( it helps that it is stale lol). I had oatmeal and pineapple for breakfast. I'm drinking my coffee and waiting for the washer to finish.

I am undeniably pissed off though. It is most certainly not my fault if certain members of this household cannot get themselves up and out the door on time without me having to rouse them. It is not my fault if they are late because as they are adults and should be able to manage their own time. So why do I feel like I've done something wrong?

I think that is the true block to my motivation. I spend so much time worrying about how everyone else is feeling and squelching my own emotions that I don't allow myself to live. I'm walking on eggshells trying to keep the peace. What about how I feel? Doesn't anyone see that I'm being smothered? Aren't my feelings valid?

The sad truth is that I've allowed my feelings to take a backseat. I've done it for so long that maybe no one here recognizes that I have thoughts and opinions of my own. You can't be a doormat unless you lie down and let them walk on you.

I promised myself that this year would be about me, but thus far I have failed miserably. No more!! I deserve happiness. I deserve so much more than what I allow myself. I can't always put myself first, but I will try (having 2 kids makes it a bit tougher to manage).

I'm off to take out my anger on the housework, and then I am going outside to enjoy the sunshine!!

Hope you are having a good weekend!!

2 comments:

  1. i suggest you sit em down and tell em the facts of life( NOT while angry), if you've always put them 1st it may be a shock to them that YOU need anything done differently but i'm sure they love you (how could they not?) and want the best for you, but you have to explain what it is you do need. also find a way to vent your frustrations maybe a kickboxing class or a punching bag if you have access if not shadow box or go in the backyard and HOWL! just get it out immediately and don't hold it in. you'll feel so much better without holding on to all the negative emotions being a doormat/wallflower entail.oh and don't procrastinate you deserve all the support in the world but you have to ask for it! xoxoxoxoxo

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  2. hey darlin just checkin in to make sure you okey-dokey. have a great week! xoxoxoxo

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