Saturday, April 23, 2011

Progress and Anxiety

Hello out there. I have not fallen off the face of the earth, I swear! It's been quite a week emotionally and having company most of the time made it impossible to sit down and update this.

My father-in-law flew home yesterday. I was so sad to see him go. He truly made this week easier for me. He's wonderful. Hey, he booked plane tickets based on one phone call from me. Need I say more?

My husband is trying. I have to give him his due here. He is really trying to fix things between us and get himself on a better path. Yesterday he made an appointment with the doctor. He doesn't go until next Wednesday, but you know how getting into the doctor is. We all agreed that he needed to explore getting put on anti-depressants and have an honest conversation with the doctor. He's not big on going to the doctor so this is a big deal for him. It's also a big deal because he called for himself instead of making me do it lol!

Wednesday night he spent several hours filling out online job applications for pharmacies in our area. I was so happy for him to be taking this step. We can't afford for him to be out of work. At least he was acknowledging that!

Thursday afternoon he got a voicemail from his former employer. He offered him more money if he would come back. Needless to say, he did like the job although it will never replace the job he once had. He called his boss back and took the job back. He goes back on Monday. I think it's wonderful that they are so understanding of what he is going through. He told them he was getting help too.

Things are looking up for the moment. I am not naive enough to believe that we won't have set-backs. Alcohol is still the elephant in the room, but we can't conquer that giant until we make progress on some other fronts. He is trying. That means a great deal to me.

I am a bundle of freaking nerves. I can't relax. I have this fist pressing against my stomach all the time. Funny thing, I actually felt relieved last night. That was the first time in over a week that I could relax. I felt like a balloon with the air let out! Today I'm back to feeling like a wind-up toy on crack.

Truthfully I need to focus on myself now. I cannot follow him around like I'm his mother. I need to do something for me. I need to get myself back to eating well, and I need to get back to exercising so I can manage my stress. Staying inside is getting hard for me. I need to be outside! I am hoping to talk a walk later. I have a lot of things to catch up on around the house as well, but I think my mental state is more important than scrubbing the bathroom today. It's supposed to stop raining this afternoon and actually be sunny. I want to be out in it!

So this is where we stand for now. The crisis isn't over, but we are taking steps to overcome it. It's going to take time. And as much as I want to hover over him and hound him to death, I can't do it. I need to work on me and taking care of my boys right now.

Maybe soon I will get back to the original intention of this blog: weight loss! LOL
Here's hoping!!

Happy Easter everyone.


  1. that's wonderful so glad to hear it! my roomate has been inrecovery for 8 years and he counsels others so i understand what it entails. best of luck to y'all, you're in my prayers!

  2. I am rooting for you! I was so glad to see you posted and your post made me happy for you! My adult kids are dragging my 1, 4 and 6 yr olds in a sunny but cold day to the Easter egg hunt. I am going to surprise them and show up. All of 75, 000 plus city in one park LOL. Happy Easter.