Saturday, July 23, 2011

Some Things Change….Some Stay in The Same Old Rut

I have really got to update more! I have been doing pretty well, I guess. Not a lot has changed around here. We’re still struggling with all the same issues. He’s trying, but it’s hard…really hard.

I have managed to lose some weight. I think I am down 13 pounds, but once again, it’s weight loss due to stress. I haven’t been able to make myself do much of anything.  Of course, the recent heat wave isn’t helping matters, but it isn’t the real excuse.

There has been a lot going on around here though. Good and bad things happening. The good news is that after 6 years of silence, I have re-established a relationship with my father. I sent him an email on Father’s Day, and a few weeks later we began to talk. It’s awkward, but it’s the right thing to do.

He felt that I abandoned him in a very dark point in his life. He felt that I left him behind just when he needed me most. Unfortunately, he has a point. I did walk away when he was facing jail time for multiple DUIs. I never meant to abandon him, but he hurt me by implying that my husband was trying to separate me from my family. Really, looking back it was all very stupid. These feuds have a way of just going on forever when both parties are too stubborn.

Like I said, it’s awkward. We may never be as close as we once were, but at least my children will have a chance to get to know their grandfather. It kind of hurts that it’s so awkward because I was always Daddy’s little girl. I just have to give it time. We need to learn to trust each other once again.

The other thing that has occurred is shocking and rocked my world a bit. Dad showed up at my house on last Sunday looking for my brother. Now my brother and I aren’t real close, sadly. There is no animosity between us; we just have never managed the closeness that siblings should have. I suppose that I am hard to get close to especially now when I hold myself so separate from everyone else. That whole self-protection thing that I do to prevent people from knowing how hard my problems really are. I don’t want people to judge me for being married to someone who is alcoholic. Silly, really. Why should my character be judged by the disease of my spouse?

Anyway, I was shocked to find out that my brother is an alcoholic himself. He had been drinking and threatened to kill himself in front of his wife and teenage son. He then got in his car and drove off. You can’t imagine how shocked I was. I always thought that he had the perfect life. Perfect house, perfect family, perfect job. I knew that he suffered from anxiety problems (family trait), but I had no idea that he self-medicated with booze.

I have no idea whether it is right or wrong to call him. I imagine that he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s very ashamed of himself right now. His life is on the brink of falling apart. His wife has reached the end of her rope, and she has asked him to leave. He isn’t leaving, but can they put their lives back together? I have been doing a lot of praying for them. I have thought about sending him a card letting him know that I care, and that I don’t know what to do, but am here if he wants to talk. I can’t email him because he only has a work email. I don’t want to discuss personal problems over a public email like that.

So while I haven’t made great strides in weight loss or self-care, I have managed to free myself of one of my emotional burdens by reconnecting with Dad. I hope that the other things will come along with time!

1 comment:

  1. glad you're hangin in hon, i've been praying for you. call or write your brother. i'm not close to my sister either but i've tried, at least you'll know you tried (and NOT feel guilty later if you don't) good luck with your dad hon. just remember you are stronger than you know! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo