Still here!

Oh yes, I am still here! It's been a rough week. I've snacked my way through it too. *Sigh*

I noticed that a bunch of bloggers are doing a weight loss challenge where they take a picture of their scales once a week. I'm not sure for how many weeks the contest runs. I'd like to join, but I am not much of a joiner. I've become such a loner over the last 12 or so years. I think it all stems from my lack of self esteem. I don't like myself so why would anyone else enjoy my company?

So I was thinking about buying a new scale for our bathroom. I hate the old-fashioned one we have, and the kids have messed with it. I am not sure it weighs accurately anymore (I sure hope it doesn't weigh on the light side. That would really be depressing!!). I think I will be heading out to Walmart to buy a new digital scale. I don't want anything fancy.

Of course, there is this voice in the back of my head reminding me that I always do this. I have to buy this or that piece of equipment, and then I will start my exercise program. At least when I bought my treadmill I was actually already exercising!! I got pregnant shortly thereafter. Now I hang laundry on it as I am unloading the dryer.

I have no excuses really. The only thing keeping me from exercising is me. I wake each morning determined to be my best, and then by the late afternoon, it's all gone to hell. Stress eating fills the hole in my life, right? Right? Umm, yeah, no.

Procrastination isn't working well for me obviously. Why am I so afraid? Fear of failing? Fear of succeeding? Fear of trying?

Maybe I'm just afraid that I will take too close a look at my life and will be forced to make decisions that I just don't want to make. Being oblivious is so much easier!